


We'll Be Okay

by asofthaven



Series: Celebrate the Feeling [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Yamaguchi has depression, boys as second years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:59:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2419385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asofthaven/pseuds/asofthaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi makes a decision to deal with his depression.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We'll Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Short thanks to those of you who commented on/kudos'd Here and Now! This is a companion piece to that story. Enjoy!

"I'm going to talk to the school counselor," Yamaguchi said, the words coming out in a tremble, not at all like how he practiced in the mirror this morning or the night before that or the day before that. Tsukki looked at him, his eyebrows curved up in surprise, his eyes widely innocent behind black frames, but there's a tiny quirk of his lips—pride, maybe. No matter how many times Yamaguchi has imagined how this talk would go, he still didn't manage to get Tsukki's reaction exactly right.

"I'll let Ennoshita know you'll be late today," Tsukki replied, but his voice inflicts up, turning the statement into a question and Yamaguchi found himself thankful for the chain of events that lead to a Tsukki that is considerate as a rule, instead of an afterthought.

"Yeah," Yamaguchi answered, thinking that the physical release of volleyball might be exactly what he needs after a counseling session, even though he had no idea what a counseling session even entailed. The thought made his stomach flutter anxiously, but he already said his intention aloud and knows himself well enough to know that he won't back out of the decision after confessing it.

The rest of the day passed in a flurry that left him with a knot in his stomach, and when the final bell rang, Yamaguchi jumped in his seat because he was not ready, there was no way he’d be able to do this, he was fine with the emptiness and nothingness that sometimes happened, it wasn’t...

Tsukki is at his side, his bag slung carelessly over his shoulder, and an expectant look on his face. He doesn't say anything, but after a moment his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth pressed into a line. Yamaguchi recognized that what may look like anger isn't actually anger, is more likely to be confusion that Tsukki is trying to hide because despite all his progress in the 'not being an asshole' department, Tsukki still does not and may never know how to deal with his own emotions. The thought made Yamaguchi laugh, a nervous chuckle that escaped him as he stood; Tsukki had more emotions than he could understand and Yamaguchi doesn't understand why he sometimes doesn't have any emotions, and the collision of them made a kind of serendipity, two chaotic messes that somehow figured out how to work in harmony.

"I'm going," he said even though he can feel a tremble working through his legs as he made his way towards the door and turned, not towards the direction that would take him to the clubroom, but the one that leads to offices and the counselor's room.

"Okay," Tsukki said and Yamaguchi is momentarily surprised when the boy hovered at his side, waiting for him to keep walking, instead of turning to go towards the clubroom.

"Um," Yamaguchi ventured, somehow still unused to this new Tsukki, "Practice?"

"I'll get there," Tsukki replied carelessly, then, at Yamaguchi's look, "Practice doesn't start for another few minutes anyways."

Yamaguchi let out a little breath and began walking, feeling emboldened as Tsukki kept pace with him. They reached the office too soon and Yamaguchi had to take several long breaths before he can get close enough to grip the door.

"You're too tense," Tsukki observed, standing a little ways away from Yamaguchi with his hands clasped loosely in front of him. Yamaguchi laughed nervously. "You were the one who made the decision to do this."

"I know," he said simply. It's all that he needed to open the door and step inside.

 

He doesn't know what he expected, but the counselor is nice and patient, and even though Yamaguchi was sure that his words weren't coming out the way they should, the fact that they came out at all made him feel a little lighter. An hour passed much faster than any hour before, and when he stood, it was on significantly sturdier legs and with the counselor's assurance that he'd see him again next week. Yamaguchi nodded and said his thanks, a smile flitting across his features. He hadn't said much, but that's still more than he's said to anyone, with the possible exception of Tsukki, who knew him when the nothing lasted for weeks at a time. The word _depression_ echoed in his head, but he doesn't examine it too closely because while it's nice to have a name for the nothing, he's found that _what's wrong_ doesn't matter as much as what can be done about it.

The office door closed behind him and he let out a breath, closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them, he saw Tsukki leaning against the wall opposite him, looking awkward for once in his life. He'd clearly just come from practice; there was still sweat beading along his forehead and chest, the exposed flesh of his forearm an angry red from receives.

Before Yamaguchi can contemplate how Tsukki managed to escape in the middle of practice to wait for him, the taller boy asked, in what might have been a nonchalant voice if not for the honest curiosity behind it, "How'd it go?"

"Um," Yamaguchi said, dragging the word out to give him time to consider the question, "It was alright, I think."

"Just alright?"

"Mm, yeah, I think so." They started moving in the direction of the clubroom, walking shoulder to shoulder and taking up most of the hallway because of it.

Tsukki nodded, that expectant look on his face again. "Are you going back?" Again, the tone could pass for nonchalant, but Yamaguchi can hear the curiosity mixed with worry in its undercurrent.

Yamaguchi nodded, feeing silly when his face broke into a tentative smile. It felt _good_ to know that he was doing something about the nothing, that Tsukki would risk Ennoshita's anger to wait for him after a session to see how it goes.

It's enough for Yamaguchi to feel like he could do anything, like he could go to practice and do a perfect jump float serve and be named a regular for the next match and ace his next test and maybe, _maybe_ find a way to have more good days than bad ones. He stopped just before they could step outside and Tsukki paused also, leaning against the doorway with his hands hanging in front of him.

"I-I think this is going to help," Yamaguchi said. Saying it aloud made the fluttering in his gut subside. It felt true and Yamaguchi hadn't realized how much he had doubted the statement before confiding it just now. When he looked up to meet Tsukki's gaze, it's to see a slight smile on the other's face, the goofy, unfamiliar one whose sightings Yamaguchi could tally on his fingers.

"I'm glad," Tsukki said after a moment, his voice catching the way it always does whenever emotions are involved.

Yamaguchi threaded his fingers through Tsukki's loosely clasped ones before he could think about it, letting his head settle under the jut of Tsukki's chin. He doesn't care that he could feel the other's sweat against his forehead, doesn't care that he had to bend his body awkwardly to fit into this position. He was thankful that at this time of day, everyone was either gone or at club practices, and allowed a wide smile to spread across his lips.

It's ruined almost immediately by Tsukki's put-upon sigh and the quiet, exasperated, "We don't fit right."

Yamaguchi laughed at the words because they're completely true. He'd grown a few centimeters in the past months and now when he straightened, his forehead is in the same vicinity as Tsukki's. Despite having been tall since the end of middle school, Yamaguchi had never quite gotten used to having height, to constantly having to hang his neck and bend his spine to talk to Yachi or Hinata. He's beginning to understand why, from a young age, Tsukki simply never bothered with the politeness of doing so, why Tsukki always held himself at the fullest extent of his height and let others bend towards him instead.

But there was another way the words were true, one that made Yamaguchi worry—unfounded and unnecessary, as Tsukki would remind him—because Yamaguchi and Tsukki _don't_ quite fit.

Tsukki doesn't like people. There wasn't really a way around that; Tsukki doesn't like having to try and figure out social interactions or finding the energy to spend around people he doesn't care about. He burrowed and burrowed into himself, safer if he could avoid becoming invested in anything. If it weren't for Yamaguchi's stubbornness, he would probably spend all of his time away from the world. It was Yamaguchi who sought out groups, needing that feeling of belonging that came with teamwork and friendships. It was a difference that should put them at odds, and yet the strain never came; Tsukki accommodated him and he accommodated Tsukki, and the taller boy would remind him, _"It's okay, Yamaguchi,"_ on the days Yamaguchi had trouble believing that.

Tsukki was mean-spirited; his taunts tended to hit right to the heart of the victim it's aimed at, and while Yamaguchi liked to think that Tsukki was learning to hold his tongue, he was also aware that sharp words were Tsukki's automatic defense mechanism and, probably, something that Tsukki enjoys wielding. Even though Yamaguchi enjoys teasing others—it's something about his pride, he's sure—he's always tried to rein in Tsukki's harsher words. And it's worked, this weird give and take.

Yamaguchi was painfully aware of the picture the two of them presented when they're together—he could tell from the looks people sent them, the questions in their eyes, the pity or confusion in the lines of their mouths; they're _different_ in just about every way and nobody seemed to understand that different could still work, if they wanted it to. They may not fit the way people seemed to think they should, cookie-cutter cut-outs that jigsawed together perfectly without trying, as if people were created as a perfect piece to a two-person puzzle rather than sentient beings who tried and failed and hurt and worked and tried and tried and tried because if the other person is worth it, then why would they do anything different?

It’s been hard, figuring out how to work, and even though they’ve come a long way, Yamaguchi knew he and Tsukki still had a lot more to figure out. But they were both stubborn and determined and that was more than enough to keep them from staying static.

They're nebulous and ever-changing, a galaxy extending and recreating itself, and Yamaguchi was sure that was better than being static. Why would he want to be a puzzle piece when he could be a galaxy anyways?

Yamaguchi adjusted so he could press his face into the side of Tsukki's neck and rest his chin in the dip where neck and shoulder connect, detangling and adjusting their fingers so he could step more fully into the taller boy's space. Their chests bumped and their knees knocked, but Yamaguchi still said, "I think this is better," into the skin of Tsukki's neck. He let his eyes fall closed only to open them again when Tsukki's long fingers curled tightly around his own and the blond leaned his head against Yamaguchi's and said into his hair, "I think so, too."

**Author's Note:**

> The end of this one got away from me, but I like where it ended up.
> 
> Again, comments and critiques are welcome! Thank you for reading :)


End file.
